I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
im holly from the hills drunk
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
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