My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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