If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
