HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
