when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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