Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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