Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Dear god my vagina.
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