my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
