I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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