so that wasnt chicken after all
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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