Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
