It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
