who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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