Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
