I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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