Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Dicks are not precious.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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