well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
