I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
