Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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