Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
