My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
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I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
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We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My dad just said "fuck circus"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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