so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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