Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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