So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
