If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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