So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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