I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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