closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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