so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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