Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
