I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize