ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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