Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
