Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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