hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
the gays at disneyland are vicious
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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