there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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