I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
