I wish I could teleport
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
