so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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