Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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