come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
