I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
