In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
