Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
