just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
