there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
