Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I AM VODKA MAN
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
