just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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