Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
