he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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