Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
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