i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
