is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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