i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Randomize
