I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
