no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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