Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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