dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
