worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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