the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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