Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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