i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
