Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i've created a new STD.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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