loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
