Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
