Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
