Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
