I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Another day, another engagement, another cat
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
