ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
