I'm gonna have a badass scar
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
