my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
