I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
