Apparently you make a good broom.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
