New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
