Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
