did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
