Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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