nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
